This Just In ...
Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely baby daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.
Culinary no-no #192
CAUTION!
THIS WEEK’S CULINARY IS A SHOCKER.
I
THE NEWS I AM ABOUT TO SHARE MAY SEND SOME OF YOU SCREAMING, “NO! NO!”
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE POSSIBLE HEAVY DOSE OF SADNESS AND DEPRESSION READERS MAY SUFFER.
IN FACT, THIS CULINARY OUT OF ALL THE OTHERS MAY SIMPLY BE TOO MUCH TO BEAR.
READ ON IF YOU MUST, BUT IF YOU DO, BEWARE. THERE COULD BE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE.
YES, I AM QUITE SERIOUS.
CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.
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Can you fill in the blank?
"There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with (blank)" - Linda Grayson
"All you need is love. But a little (blank) now and then doesn't hurt." - Charles M. Schulz
"I never met a (blank) I didn't like." - Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation
"(Blank) is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power. It is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits." - Baron Justus von Liebig
"Nine out of ten people like (blank). The tenth person always lies." - John Q. Tullius
"Strength is the ability to break (blank) into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of those pieces." - Judith Viorst
"Self-discipline implies some unpleasant things to me, including staying away from (blank) and keeping my hands out of women's pants." - Oleg Kiselev
"(Blank): the poor mans' champagne." - Daniel Worona
"After eating (blank) you feel godlike, as though you can conquer enemies, lead armies, entice lovers." - Emily Luchetti
"God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans (blank)." - Anonymous
The answer?
Umm, yeh.
One more.
"A little chocolate is like a love affair - an occasional sweet release that lightens the spirit. A lot of chocolate is like marriage - it seems so good at first but before you know it you've got chunky hips and a waddle-walk." - Linda Solegato
Good Lord, who doesn’t like chocolate?
Take your average, blue-collar, Joe Lunchbucket.
He likes chocolate.
Your highly successful CEO?
He, too, likes chocolate.
Then there are women of the opposite sex.
Studies show that they like chocolate a bajillion times more than mortal males. Even more than sex, can you believe it?
More than sex?????
You see, chocolate contains the so-called, “love chemical,“phenylethylamine. That highly regarded and well-known web site, loveletterbox.com says phenylethylamine is “the same chemical that is released in your brain when you fall in love; leading to that increase in the pounding of your heart, feeling of a sudden gush of excitement. It is also believed by researchers that phenylethylamine in turn causes the brain to release mesolimbic dopamine in the pleasure centers of the brain, another chemical where its presence is at peak during an orgasm. Nevertheless, the sweetness from chocolate also triggers the release of endorphins. Think about those blissful feeling you had after a wonderful session of lovemaking. That is the effect from the production of endorphins in your body.”
Guys, you haven’t got a snowball’s chance in hell against a two-pound Whitman’s Sampler.
Imagine telling this woman....
She could no longer have chocolate and endorphins and phenylethylamine. What limb would you like permanently detached?
WE INTERRUPT THIS CULINARY NO-NO TO BRING THE MALE READERS THIS SPECIAL BULLETIN FROM KEVIN FISCHER:
Husbands, boyfriends, if you know what’s good for you, get your significant others away from my blog for a few days if you know what’s good for you and the love of your life.
Ladies reading, please, please, if you’re smart, you will stop reading right now. You will turn off the computer. You will return to This Just In sometime tomorrow to read about something less traumatic like war, pestilence, and high taxes.
For God’s sake everyone, I implore you. Stop reading before it’s too late!
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO….
THIS
JUST
IN!
There’s no other way to put this.
Please hold on to your armchair or someone else.
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The world is running out of chocolate.
GASP!
OMG!
I knew this would happen.
All over creation, my readers have gone into cardiac arrest.
It’s true.
In 20 years, you housewives and soccer moms won’t be able to afford chocolate.
Say what?
In 20 years, you housewives and soccer moms won’t be able to afford chocolate.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ummmm, you’re forgetting the title of this blog. One more chorus of NO, please.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over in
Say, Kev. Once again, in American.
Sure.
Your basic candy bar someday will cost you…
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$11. 24.
Yikes!
What the hell’s going on?
A lot.
Did I mention that everyone likes chocolate?
Yes you did, Kev.
I thought so.
Here’s the problem when everyone likes a certain commodity. Production can’t keep up with demand. The whole planet loves chocolate. Only a few places make it. They can’t make the stuff fast enough.
There’s more.
John Mason, executive director and founder of the Ghana-based Nature Conservation Research Council says, "In 20 years chocolate will be like caviar. It will become so rare and so expensive that the average Joe just won't be able to afford it."
Farmers don’t want to grow cocoa anymore. The return is quite small. Children of farmers are opting, rather than replanting trees, to relocate to urban areas. Harvests go down. Production goes down. Prices go……..take a guess.
The benefits aren’t worth the work.
Get this.
Thomas Dietsch, research director of ecosystem services at the Earthwatch Organisation offers this jolt:
"It's hard to imagine a world without a demand for chocolate, but whether it remains the low-cost snack food it is now may well change in time. If the demand for biofuels pushes up the price of the oil-palm crop it may well supplant cocoa – unless measures are taken for those farmers who still grow it to remain in cocoa production."
Again, if you didn’t hate ethanol before….
The question is, especially for women (I know what the answer is for men), would you pay $11.24 tomorrow for what is essentially $1 worth of chocolate today?
Guys, makin whoopee might suddenly be back in the picture.
The world without affordable chocolate? That’s like Hawaii without pineapple.
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