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Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely baby daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.
DRAGNET: The case of the missing alderman from Franklin
The following is based on a true story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
This is the city.
I don’t work here. I’m a cop.
A cop from
It was Thursday, August 16th.
My partner is Detective Gannon. My name’s Friday.
The call from
Our flight arrived on a warm summer day. Our trip to
FRIDAY: OK, who wants to start?
BRANDI DOCUMENTOWSKI: Ummm, maybe I should.
FRIDAY: Fine. Who are you?
BRANDI DOCUMENTOWSKI: I’m Brandi Documentowski, the city clerk.
FRIDAY: That’s wonderful.
DOCUMENTOWSKI: How can I help you gentlemen?
DETECTIVE GANNON: The facts. Just the facts, ma’am. We understand you were the last to hear from the missing alderman.
DOCUMENTOWSKI: That’s right. I was.
FRIDAY: What did the alderman say?
DOCUMENTOWSKI: He really didn’t say.
GANNON: What do you mean…he didn’t say?
DOCUMENTOWSKI: I mean he didn’t tell me. He sent an e-mail.
FRIDAY: An e-mail. Is that the one…?
DOCUMENTOWSKI: Yes, it’s the one where he wrote he couldn’t make the meeting.
FRIDAY: Couldn’t make the meeting?
DOCUMENTOWSKI: Couldn’t make the meeting.
GANNON: Interesting.
FRIDAY: Indeed.
GANNON: Did he say why?
DOCUMENTOWSKI: (Long pause) He couldn’t make the meeting.
ALDERMAN PETER PACZKI: Dat ain’t an answer!
GANNON: Excuse me?
ALDERMAN PETER PACZKI: Dat ain’t an answer!
FRIDAY: Who are you, Sir?
ALDERMAN PETER PACZKI: I’m Alderman Peter Paczki.
FRIDAY: Paczki, eh? Oh yes. You were the one who raised the objections about the missing alderman at the last meeting.
PACZKI: Dat’s right.
FRIDAY: This missing alderman…you were concerned, why?
PACZKI: Because.
FRIDAY: Why because?
PACZKI: Just because.
FRIDAY: Just because why?
PACZKI: Well, well, well, well just because he thinks so pretty, and just because his momma thinks he’s hot, just because he thinks he’s got something that nobody else has got…
FRIDAY: Smith, take a note…
GANNON: yes?
FRDIAY: Keep in mind this is
GANNON: This …is …
FRIDAY: Alderman Paczki, the missing alderman told City Clerk Documentowski he couldn’t make the meeting.
PACZKI: How many times do I have to tell you LA avocados, DAT AIN’T AN ANSWER!
FRIDAY: Mayor Traylor, you’ve been awfully quiet. What can you tell us?
MAYOR TRAYLOR: It’s up to the Council.
GANNON: What’s up to the Council?
MAYOR TRAYLOR: If a member should be excused.
FRIDAY: You were informed the missing alderman couldn’t make the meeting?
MAYOR TRAYLOR: I was.
GANNON: Did you offer any objections or protests before or during the Common Council meeting?
MAYOR TRAYLOR: Well, I just think it’s the Council’s call.
FRIDAY: Hey…hey. Hey you in the back of the room. You with the green shirt and pink tie!
ALDERMAN STEVE FAYLURE: You talkin’ to me?
FRIDAY: Yeh, you. You must be from
FAYLURE: Now wait a minute…
FRIDAY: You don’t like the missing alderman, do you?
FAYLURE: Well, I…
FRIDAY: You’ve said so much at public meetings.
FAYLURE: Uhhh, uhhh…
FRIDAY: You’d like nothing more than to see the missing alderman get in trouble publically for this, wouldn’t cha? In fact, you asked at the last meeting if there was a policy in place for matters like this. You want that so you can punish officials like the missing alderman in the future for being absent.
FAYLURE: I, I , I , I…
GANNON: That’ll be enough, Alderman.
FAYLURE: But I can tell you…
GANNON: No, Alderman. You’ve said enough. You couldn’t possibly know where the alderman was. He wouldn’t trust you with some basic information in a million years. We’re done here, folks.
FAYLURE: You might want to try one m ore place.
GANNON:: One more place?
FAYLURE: Yeh, yeh, yeh. The blogger. Justin Credible.
FRIDAY: Justin Credible.?
FAYLURE: Yeh, Justin Credible! They’re best of friends. They do everything together, go everywhere together.
FRIDAY and GANNON exchange glances and roll eyes.
FRIDAY: See ya, all.
GANNON: Good day, all.
DUM- duh-duh- DUM
DUM- duh-duh –DUM DUM!
About a half hour after we left
FRIDAY: Sorry to bother you, Sir. Just a few questions. You blogged about this incident?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: I did.
FRIDAY: How well do you know the missing alderman?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: Quite well. I know most city officials quite well.
FRIDAY: Is it a good relationship?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: It is.
FRIDAY: How so?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: He’s the only alderman on the whole Common Council with any common sense.
FRIDAY: So your relationship is such that he might confide in you?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: He told me when his dog died.
FRIDAY: Just yes or no wise guy.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: I’d have to say yes.
FRIDAY: Did he tell you he was going to miss the meeting?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: Not exactly.
GANNON:: Huh?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: I wanted to have lunch with him.
FRIDAY: Oh, so you do have a relationship with him.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: No. I see him about as often as Alderman Faylure acts like a conservative.
FRIDAY: Just the facts, Sir.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: You’re right. Just the facts.
FRIDAY: Lunch…
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: Lunch, he couldn’t make it.
GANNON: Dat’s…AHEM…I mean, that’s not an answer.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: That’s what he told me. That he’d be out of town.
FRIDAY: Where?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: I don’t know. It was somewhere out town. I deleted his message. I don’t remember what I had for breakfast.
FRIDAY: Are you saying he was nowhere near
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: I am.
FRIDAY: A few last questions? That night…the 16th. The council debated Halloween?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: That’s right.
GANNON: Anything of great importance.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: No, sir. Have you talked to the lone female member of the Council?
FRIDAY: Yes, we have.
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: What did she say?
FRIDAY: Alderman Sweet Polly Purebread said as far as she was concerned, the missing alderman was excused and the Council looked really stupid pursuing this issue. Just by coincidence, how are taxes here, Mr. Credible?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: Horrible
FRIDAY: Job creation?
JUSTIN CREDIBLE: Zilch.
FRIDAY: They called us out here for this?
DUM- duh-duh- DUM
DUM- duh-duh –DUM DUM!
We left
DUM- duh-duh- DUM
DUM- duh-duh –DUM DUM!
The above was inspired by the following.
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