Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely baby daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.
THE FOLLOWING IS NOT JUST A CULINARY NO-NO, BUT A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR MEN WHO CRAVE LOVE FROM THEIR SIGNIFICIANT OTHERS ON VALENTINE’S DAY AND FOR WOMEN WHO WANT LOVE IN RETURN ON VALENTINE’S DAY AND OTHER DAYS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.
This week, we address not one but two Culinary no-nos.
The holiday of amour is this Tuesday, VD…that’s AHEM Valentine’s Day. Many a beau will take his sweetie out to dinner or, because the romantic occasion falls on a Tuesday, the dinner reservation will have to wait until the following Friday or Saturday.
Dining out for VD? Nothing wrong with that. Just be prepared for trimmed down menus with inflated prices.
Eating at a fancy restaurant with the woman of your dreams is a nice touch. Want a nicer touch, guys? Stay home and cook dinner yourself.
The problem is a mass of male homo sapiens deathly afraid, intimidated, horrified, wussified at the very thought of actually having to handle cookware let alone prepare any portion of a meal intended to knock her socks off.
Foolish, stupid, boring men.
Kevin Pang wrote last week in the
This article isn’t for you, dear reader who willfully clicked on the food page.
If you know that gastrique is a sauce and not an antacid, no need to read on. Kindly pass this along to the men in your life whose preferred cooking apparatus remains the microwave, despite this being the 21st century.
Everyone else gone? Men scared of kitchens, come closer… SLAP!
What’s wrong with you? Are you so thick that you don’t see the benefits of cooking for women at home?
Let us count the ways:
More impressive to women. Much cheaper. More privacy. More romantic. You can choose the music and lighting. Distance from dining table to couch much shorter than restaurant to couch. You can control the portion sizes – nothing kills the mood like two stuffed people after dinner.
Again guys, women dig you in an apron hustlin’ and bustlin’ in the kitchen just for them.
Men’s health and Cosmopolitan surveyed women about male chefs. Two-thirds said if their guy prepares dinner, it’s music between the sheets later. Capiche?
What are you talkin’ about, Fischer? I can’t make Chicken
Of course not.
So I offer solid advice guaranteed to elicit oohs, ahhs, and mucho love.
We actually are going to sprinkle in some yes-yeses in this no-no.
Are you ready?
The entrée of love is surf and turf.
And you’re going to make it…outside.
ARE YOU NUTS?
Nope. You will prepare a can’t miss combo outdoors, in this case, on your charcoal grill. My tip is based on the fact that I have a Weber and what I’m about to share works 258% of the time.
Back in November of 2008 I wrote in Culinary no-no #86:
The rain is falling,
The winds are swirling.
And cold, mighty cold.
It's a perfect time for.....
I live in a quiet, humble subdivision in the quiet, humble city of
For all the booming growth this quiet, humble city has seen since I first moved in, it's still pretty...quiet and humble.
A rockin', happenin' place, it's not. And maybe that's ok. My guess is many people enjoy the solitude. Let me tell you, there are many times I think Max Sass is the mayor.
Take summertime. The sidewalks, as my late father used to say, get pulled up around 7:00, no later than 8:00. Are people outside? Not if they don't have to be. Houses locked up tight. Lights off. Backyard patios? Oh, Franklinites got 'em. They don't use them, but they've got 'em.
Warm weather is grilling season. So when it's warm, that would be spring, summer and fall, I grill. A lot. It's that manly rite of passage. Fire, smoke, sizzling meat. Yet up and down my neighborhood, when I grill, all summer long, no one else is barbecuing. My neighbor across the street, maybe once or twice, but only if ten carloads are over.
Now the calendar says November and winter is in the air. Sunset is early, before 5:00. If my house catches on fire at 4:30, no one, I mean not a doggone soul will know. Drag the Weber out for a nice grilled steak? Are you crazy???
I grill all year round. It's why God invented the garage and spacious driveways. He did it for grills. This is so dumb. A guy will grill outside Lambeau Field with the snow coming down, but won't grill at home with all the comforts of home.
Franklin, and anyone else petrified of grilling after Labor Day, may I suggest you be adventurous. Be a rebel. Toss on the charcoal. Light away. Brats soaked in beer. Burgers. Steaks. Chicken. You name it. In November, December, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, January, February. All year grilling!
Afraid of the cold? Get a stopwatch. I use it to time the cooking while I'm in the house yelling at whatever football game is on television.
Did you hear that, Ethel? That Fischer guy has lost his briquettes this time.
He's telling us to pull out the barbecue..........when it's less than 80 degrees.............after 5:00.
Why, the next thing you know, he'll be pushing for one of those nasty Target stores.
You know how good a lobster tail tastes on the grill for shut-ins on December 31st?
Don't be wimps. Grill out. Today. Tomorrow. Next month. All year.
Not grilling because its' not summer is a culinary no-no.
Have you seen the forecast for Tuesday, Fischer?
Yes I have.
Buck up, Romeo.
Put a coat on. Hat and gloves if necessary.
Now follow along carefully to ensure a perfectly positive passionate response from your dinner mate.
You will need filet mignons. My choice is the nearby Sendik’s.
Have the butcher wrap them with a slice of bacon. At my Sendik’s that means Nueske’s.
Also pick up in the frozen section some lobster tails.
You may also want to grill some veggies. My guess is once your main squeeze realizes what you’re doing, she’ll agree to make some sides in the house.
Try to marinate the filets for at least 30 minutes in some Worcestershire sauce.
On to the grill.
You’re going to move the coals to each side leaving the middle of the grill without coals.
Once the coals are hot, take the filets and put one on each side of the grill directly above the coals.
If you have a stop watch, use it. I do whenever I grill, even if it’s simply hamburgers. You’d be amazed at how wonderful your food turns out.
Cover the grill and leave it alone. Don’t hover above lifting the lid every 30 seconds. This defeats the entire purpose.
After 5 minutes take the thawed out lobsters and place them in the center of the grill, shells down. The steaks will be over the coals, the lobsters will not. They will be grilled indirectly. Feel free to smother the lobster meat with butter when you first put them on the grill and about ten minutes later.
About 12 and a half minutes after you put the steaks on, turn them over. Twelve and a half minutes later you will remove the steaks and the lobsters at the same time.
Total cooking time for filets: 25 minutes will give you a nice medium, close to medium rare depending on your heat.
Total cooking time for lobsters (1 pound each): 20 minutes.
Remember, after you take these items off the grill, they will still cook for a bit.
Dessert: Anything chocolate. Buy a nice box, or how about some individual slices of Godiva cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. My Sendik’s has plenty of individualized desserts. Just get there early while selection is still good.
Background music: I recommend anything by The Love Unlimited Orchestra or, don't laugh, John Tesh.
We have blown two Culinary no-nos out of the water: men cooking for their women, and grilling in the winter.
Good luck, guys.
Do it right, and you and your sweetie might both thank me later.
CULINARY NO-NO BONUS
Michelle Obama is now telling our military what they should eat.