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This Just In ...

Kevin Fischer is a veteran broadcaster, the recipient of over 150 major journalism awards from the Milwaukee Press Club, the Wisconsin Associated Press, the Northwest Broadcast News Association, the Wisconsin Bar Association, and others. He has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for over three decades. A longtime aide to state Senate Republicans in the Wisconsin Legislature, Kevin can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, "InterCHANGE," on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their lovely young daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.

The November 2012 Official Voter's Guide


Regular readers know that unlike the sanctimonious newspaper editorial writers around the state that beg and clamor for the utmost voter turnout, I personally don’t want a whole bunch of people voting, especially those who are just too stupid.

Here is my traditional, official voter’s guide for Election Day, Tuesday, November 6, 2012:


If January 20, 2009 was the first time you felt proud to be an American, please don't vote.

The unemployment rate four years ago was 7.8%. It is now 7.9%. If you either a) think that’s an improvement or b) blame George Bush, please don’t vote.

If you think America has 57 states, please don’t vote.

If you have never heard of Benghazi, please don’t vote.

If you have heard of Benghazi and wonder what all the fuss is about, please don’t vote.

If you’re asked “Who got Osama bin Laden?” and your immediate response is not our military, please don’t vote.

If the first word that comes to mind when you hear “ObamaCare” is “free,” please don’t vote.

If you feel you need to vote like your “lady parts depend on it,” please do not vote.

If you believe Big Bird is an endangered species, please don’t vote.

If you possess an Obama phone, please don’t vote.

If you actually understand Joe Biden, please don’t vote.

Ann Romney rides a horse. Bug you? Please don’t vote.

If you are green with envy because there are rich people who have more money than you do, please don’t vote.

If capitalism upsets you, please don’t vote.

If you think the minimum wage isn’t high enough, please don’t vote.

If you consider April 15th to be a payday instead of a time to pay out, please don’t vote.


If you think single young women should get free birth control from the federal government allowing them to sleep around as much as they want, please don’t vote.

If you plan to head to your polling place and walk in, still not knowing who the hell you’re going to vote for, please don’t vote.

If you think more folks on food stamps are good for the economy, please don’t vote.

If you think Wisconsin is not a tax hell, please don’t vote.

If you believe there hasn’t been enough attention paid this campaign to global warming, please don’t vote.


If you have met and spoken with any member of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Editorial Board for 5 minutes or longer, please don’t vote.

If you camped out in the state Capitol in Madison during 2011 or 2012 and didn’t bathe the next day, or the day after, please don’t vote.

If you are vegetarian, please don’t vote.

If Chris Matthews gives you a tingle up your leg, please don’t vote.

If you really liked a yard sign, please don’t vote.

If you plan to vote based on a: 30 second radio or TV ad, please don’t vote.

If you think Mrs. Obama dresses really cool, please don’t vote.

If you watch The View, please don’t vote.

If Oprah makes you cry, please don’t vote.

If you think America is headed in the right direction, please don’t vote.

If you think the stimulus created thousands of jobs, please don’t vote.

If you have ever been interviewed on the street by Jay Leno, please don’t vote.

If you’ve ever considered eating dog (YUM), please don’t vote.

If you cling to guns, please vote.

If you cling to Christianity, please vote.

If you built your own business, please vote.

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