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Kyla's Korner- Musings of a Mother (05/09/10)

Posted by Kevin Fischer on May 9, 2010

By Jennifer Fischer
Mother of beautiful angel, Kyla

Oh my.  Mother’s Day 2010.  My second Mom’s Day already.  I can’t believe it has been a year since I joyously celebrated this holiday in a way that I never had before.  Last year, Kevin and I hosted at our house.  We had the Fischer Clan including my beloved mother-in-law, Audrey.  At dinner, we toasted all moms; past, present, and future.  I am so glad we have that wonderful memory.  In all honesty, however, most of that day is a total blur.  I was still getting used to being a mom, still sleep deprived, and still “hormonal.”  A couple of pictures of that day are a brutal reminder of what a lack of sleep and lack of any personal time can do to a lady’s looks!  But as you already know, I wouldn’t change a moment of this past year.

By nature, I am extremely outgoing.  I have never had any difficulty striking up a conversation with a complete stranger no matter where I am:  on vacation, in an elevator, waiting in line at the grocery store, etc.  I can guarantee you, however, that I have never in my life had more conversations with people I don’t know than I have now because of Kyla.  I have had men of all ages swoon over this little girl, no lie.  But the women I come in contact with are really amazing.

I have said before that there is an unspoken, “secret” society of mothers.  There is an amazing bond that every woman who has given birth can hold with another woman.  Whether in line somewhere with a pregnant lady or at a restaurant observed by a grandmother, there is always an instant connection with another female if you are both parents.  If I had a dollar for every warm & wonderful comment I have received when Kyla and I are out together, her college fund would already be taken care of.

I have commiserated with women about everything from the cost of formula to the challenges of raising a daughter in this scary world.  I have talked to women ten years my junior and thirty years my senior.  I have basked in every complimentary word everyone has ever uttered.  What amazes me the most, however, is the overwhelming support – of total strangers – of my lifestyle choice.

I have mentioned to people, casually and almost apologetically at times, that I am a stay-at-home mom.  While I have been very happy in my choice and Kevin couldn’t be more thrilled with my decision, there were times that I thought people would judge me negatively for staying home.  I thought they would wonder what is “wrong” with me that I’m not juggling a full-time job and a household.  I thought they would label me as “lazy.”

I was SO wrong about people’s opinions!  I have told moms in my age group that I am a SAH mom.  They applaud my decision as it is theirs also.  But the best reaction I get is from moms “who have been there”:  moms who could be my mother, or even my grandmother.  Most women in their generations chose to stay home with their kids, and no one really thought anything of it.  Then suddenly the two-income family became the norm with families living outside of their means and needing multiple paychecks.

I would never criticize another family for their financial choices and work choices.  You do what you have to do.  But I will never, not for one moment, have second thoughts about quitting my job.  As I tell fellow moms when the discussion turns that way, “I can always work.  I can’t always spend time with my baby.”  I have had women, and I’m not exaggerating, thank me profusely for “doing the right thing” by staying home.  I have NEVER, in all my conversations, had a women tell me, “You know, I really regret staying home with my kids.  I really should have worked more.”

Any mom can agree that this is the toughest job that never ends.  But it is also the most rewarding, the most fulfilling, and the one that you can be most proud of.  Do I miss that amazing paycheck every two weeks?  I must admit there are times that I do, only because of crazy things I would buy to spoil my daughter and husband.  Do I stop and think about what I could be earning at my old job?  Honestly, it is a pittance compared to what I should be earning as a mom.  But nothing you could pay me would ever be worth replacing my role as a mother.  

Happy Mother’s Day 2010 to all moms; past, present, and future!